i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
