I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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