he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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