The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
