booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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