Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
