I need help removing her.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
