OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
