there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
