He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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