Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
