GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
