He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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