ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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