Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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