I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
