Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
