first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
