Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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