I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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