I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
