He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
did you just send me my own nude
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
