Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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