Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
