can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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