im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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