Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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