I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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