your parents love me but you hate me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
