let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
