I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
