I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
