The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
