The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
