Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
