apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
