Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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