She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
