Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
