our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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