If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Alive.
So much puke
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
