i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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