Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
