"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
