new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
