sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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