I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
