what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
