Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
