He disabled his match.com account in front of me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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