So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
