He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
