This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
